Just sayin.....

Let’s get this part over with – The Royal Wedding was fine. Just fine. Nothing more and nothing less. Kate, I think you're probably pretty great, but you’re definitely not spicy enough for me.

Pippa seems more likely to take body shots. But you and your thinning prince will make a lovely couple and have babies hanging out of you in no time. That’s really all the time I want to spend on it. You're beautiful and well behaved; therefore you give me nothing to talk about. Done.

While the rest of the world was wondering what the fuck Princess Beatrice was wearing on her head, Donald Trump was taking a nap. As he should be. Being a moron is exhausting.

Donny, it's so cute to watch you play dress up and compete for a presidential nomination.And you know what? Every other badly qualified candidate is very grateful. Thanks for making at least one choice in our upcoming campaign season super duper easy.

Also, are you mad that Osama took your spot light? Will you be demanding to see his birth certificate? I hope so. Do it, come on! It's so fun.

How many news anchors this week do you think mistaken Obama for Osama?I'm guessing a lot. Pay attention people!!! They're both dark so I know it gets confusing.

With all the pics of Osama flooding the airwaves lately, I had to wonder what this man did for his skin? It was perfect, flawless! He was also in really incredible shape, so lean. Pilates must have kept him fit. That and murder.

In other news: Minnesota has received national attention twice this week. America's Next Best Restaurant’s winner Soul Daddy is now open in the Mall of America. Sort of uneventful. And since I haven't been to the mall since 2009, it doesn't matter to me.

But the most noteworthy appearance was that of local musician Tim Mahoney on The Voice, as one my readers accurately predicted last week.

Tim your face is so much rounder than I remember. Is that from the prescribed penicillin you're taking? For the.. ..oh, this embarrassing... for the herpes you've Napalm-ed all over the Twin Cities? I can't say that? Cause he's a hometown hero? Welp.

I remember you were hotpants in college. Who DIDN'T spend their exam week at Spring Jam drinking their way to the Sally’s stage? Every skank in waiting did. Any chance to catch the eye of Tim. Oh sad Mid-westerners, with our made up rock stars. What did I think? I'd seduce him with my irresistible tuna hotdish?

mm. I'll let you sit with that one for a sec...

Last thoughts.

Cameron Diaz. Could you stop being famous for twenty minutes? Thanks. Your such a shitty actress it actually hurts my feelings.

She was quoted in the British Independent this week stating she does not believe in the institution of marriage. I wish single people could come up with a better excuse for bringing their landlord to Red Carpet events.

And finally, freebie of the day:

Angelina Jolie is rumored to be producing a new movie about the life of Winston Churchill in which she will: Play. Winston. Herself. Okay GOOD! The sooner you can end your career and get back home the better. You have ninety kids who've never met you before.